Matt James' cryptic breakup post and no Babygirl Oscar noms... What happened to real lovers?
men used to write love letters now they namedrop God on IG
It’s somehow still January, and the everygirlz are back to Gen Z-splain everything happening on the internet right now. You’d think we’d have a slow week after the whole will-they-won’t-they TikTok ban saga, but no. With a Bachelor success story falling apart (we only have so many to root for at this point) and the internet freaking out after the Oscar nomination announcements, there’s plenty to catch you up on.
What do Babygirl, Queer, and Challengers all have in common? If you guessed providing enough white boys of the month to get us through 2024, well, yes. But they were also all snubbed from any Oscar recognition this year. While our TikTok edits folder was utterly obsessed with these films, it seems the Academy wasn’t quite as charmed. Though with an average voter age of 61 (according to a 2014 survey, but we have a sneaking suspicion Hollywood hasn’t changed all that much), we can’t say we’re surprised. Disappointed? Absolutely. Why recognize creative, fresh, non-heteronormative portrayals of love when there’s another musical biopic to nominate this year? (No shade, Timmy)
Speaking of love, this week we were forced to confront the cold, hard truth that reality dating shows are better at launching influencing careers than fostering lifelong relationships (someone, pls check on Joey and Kelsey). In a plot twist that left us reeling, Matt James hard-launched his split from longtime girlfriend Rachel Kirkconnell via a cryptic Instagram post—right in the middle of a steady stream of stories documenting the couple’s romantic trip to London. Naturally, this left everyone spiraling. Was the London content pre-filmed? Was it staged? Did they have an international blowout fight worthy of an Emily in Paris subplot? We needed answers.
Thankfully, Rachel broke her silence on the only platform that can handle this kind of viral drama, Call Her Daddy. She revealed that the couple broke up while in Japan, and the Instagram post heard ‘round the world dropped mere hours after she was dumped. They say chivalry is dead, and honestly… they’re right! Unfortunately, Rachel wasn’t the only woman scorned on social media this week. Justin Bieber was “hacked” and unfollowed his wife, Hailey Bieber, on IG. We must admit, an Instagram hacking without a 90 percent off Ray-Ban deal or cryptocurrency investment ad that claims it will “make you rich overnight” raises some red flags. Someone, please take the men’s phones away.
Or maybe don’t…since Tinder is where it’s at. (At least, that’s the idea they’re trying to sell Gen Z via TikTok influencers.) Using the famously truthful and never-exaggerated storytime video formula à la 2015 Tana Mongeau and Gabbie Hanna, influencers are sharing their rom-com-worthy Tinder date experiences to convince their audiences to get swiping. The death of the meet-cute may be upon us, and our dream of meeting people IRL is slowly slipping away. Maybe we should apply for a dating show instead?
In Other News:
The girls have banded together to petition for a different opener for Gracie Abrams... When we said "we need to organize" this is not what we meant! Seems like perhaps we could be using this collective energy on better things…
As if the world wasn’t f!cked up enough, Instagram changed our grids to be rectangles instead of squares. Kick us when we’re down, Meta!!
Some good news: London Tipton and Kevin McCallister proving childhood stars can be happy.
Onyx Storm dropped and the reviews are in…
A lesson in letting your delusion carry you far: Trisha Paytas got Ben Platt, Rachel Zegler, and Sutton Foster in her Broadway show—from singing Hamilton on her kitchen floor to gagging NYC! Believe in yourself, girls!
Timothée Chalamet doing double duty on SNL resulted in no Wonka covers (unfortunate), but instead a portrayal of a fab bungee instructor and a rat terrier—let’s talk about range! Give him the Oscar.
Top diva of the internet North West’s feature on FKA twigs’ Eusexua is not what we predicted nor asked for, but it has in fact made its way onto our pregame playlists.
Things We Hate Right Now:
Making an elaborate dinner recipe just for it to not be that good.
Discourse around Alix Earle sparking the return of the skinny jean. Wear them if you like them and don't if you hate ‘em!
No one addresses how expensive it is to be a pilates princess warrior. Membership rates, matching sets, the seemingly mandatory smoothie and/or matcha afterward…What tax bracket are y’all in and what is your credit score?
EGG SHORTAGE AGAIN!!! About to build a chicken coop in my apartment’s storage room are we serious.
Being sold a book on the premise that “it gets good halfway through” and what am I supposed to do until I get there?? Suffer? Now I’m doom-scrolling again and it’s your fault.
Quite literally every single executive order Trump signed in his first week in office. And we shall leave it at that for now.
On Repeat
Brain Break!
For the girlies that still have TikTok on their phones:
For the girlies that don’t (RIP)
Quick Hits
Stop asking me about…how to balance staying informed and not burning out. We don’t know either, but we’re doing our best to take cues from people who do.
Something living rent-free in our head… Tate McRae's new Sports car music video.
Cheers,
the everygirlz
P.S. Want to ask us a question? Submit one here! Otherwise we may start offering unsolicited advice (that is a threat)