Per My Last Email
Anonymous questions about work, life, and everything in between
Do you need to get it off your “desk”? Enter: Per My Last Email, an anonymous series where we’re getting the real deal on how women feel about their careers—the frustrating struggles, the joyful moments, and everything in-between. Whether you’re looking for real advice or just validation that we’re possibly all going through it right now, find their responses below.
How old are you?
32
What is your job?
Vice President of Marketing for a real estate brokerage
What is your yearly income?
$150,000 + a bonus
What is your relationship status?
Married
Do you have any children?
No, but we've been trying for about a year
Did you attend college?
Yes, Boston University
If yes, are you currently using the degree you went to school for?
Yes, somewhat
What did you want to be when you were a kid?
Someone important who sat in a corner office in an NYC skyscraper.
What do you think your younger self would think of you today?
I think she'd be confused... first, because I'm not living in New York City anymore. Younger me couldn't imagine living anywhere else but, after 7 years in NYC, my husband and I moved to a smaller city in the Southeast in 2021. And second, because I'm not necessarily striving for that important, corner office job anymore.
Do you love your work?
Not currently. I am in a position right now that doesn't align with my strengths, doing work that does not fill me up, for a toxic leader that often leaves me feeling depleted. In recent years, I've found myself restless and wanting to make a change. I think I've hit a plateau of sorts after a decade of working and I'm ready for a new challenge. Maybe that's school, maybe that's taking a chance on myself and starting my own company, I'm not entirely sure yet. I just know I'm ready for something else.
Do you think you should love your work?
I really struggling with this question - maybe not love but I think it needs to be a net positive. Whether that's money, fulfillment, flexibility... your work needs to add more than it takes away.
What is your work-life balance like?
Its okay - on paper, it seems pretty good but in actuality, I'm expected to be available pretty much all of the time and I work late at the office at least three nights a week. A few months back, I turned off any work notifications on my phone and stopped checking emails nights and weekend because my mental health was declining and that has helped a lot. I'm not sure my supervisors would be happy to know that but it was a necessity.
What is one thing you had to learn the hard way?
Work cannot define or drive my self worth. I'm still really working on this but since I was a teenager, I put so much value in my standing at work. I wanted to be the "best" employee at my minimum wage jobs, I needed to be the very best intern, I always was striving for promotions and raises. I was happy to sacrifice my personal time if it meant acknowledgement by bosses or clients. Words of affirmation is my love language so hearing I am good at my my job has always been my biggest motivator. But its really hard to put my own self worth in the hands of somebody else telling me I'm good.
What is something you wish you'd known early in your career?
It’s okay to take chances on something new. I was so concerned about rocking the boat of my "career path", losing out on a promotion or having to take a pay cut that I never explored anything else I was interested in. I remember in my mid-20s wishing I could be an intern again, spending 4-6 months trying out a bunch of different jobs. And the reality is that would have a great time to try things out. But it all seemed so serious and important back then, no way I could just take a 6-month detour in a new career path. Now those years feel like a small blip on my life timeline that I wish I'd taken some chances.
What's one thing you're struggling with? (at work or otherwise)
Towards the end of 2024, I felt a bit defeated, like I'd let the year just sort of pass me by. It was the first year in a long time when I didn't have these big life events pushing time forward. It feels like I've hit this plateau in life... I'm married, we're settled in a home. Career mobility doesn't come as quickly once in a more senior role. I've talked to friends about this concept too and we all agree it takes more energy to be intentional with your life as you get into your 30s. I'm struggling a lot with this plateau and deciding if I want to rock the boat or lean into things being calmer.
What's one thing bringing you joy? (at work or otherwise)
I've discovered that I'm much more of an introvert than I once thought and spending quality time in my home really fills my cup. My husband and I spend most of our free time together and have the best time watching TV, playing card games, hanging with our pets, and cooking together. I love to read. I love to do crossword puzzles. That is one upside from having moved out of NYC, I don't feel guilty spending a whole weekend at home and it really makes me happy.
Is there anything else you want to get off your chest/desk?
My mom died when I was 21 during my senior in college. And the grief was, understandably, really tough those first few years in my early 20s. And then there was a period in my late 20s when things felt, sadly, a little easier. My life looked so completely different than it did when she was in it - I lived in a new city she'd never visited me in, and had new friends she didn't know. Missing her felt different. But I'm now in a season where the grief of not having my mom is new and different. We never got to the part of life where we were best friends. I can't talk to her when I'm feeling sad that I'm still not pregnant a year into trying. We can't talk about books we're reading or go on trips together. It’s a part of grief I couldn't even imagine when she died 11 years ago. But wow, it really knocks me off my feet sometimes.
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