Thank god my bitmoji can afford a Miu Miu handbag because I’ll never be able to buy a house
it's like if you give a mouse a cookie but if you give your gen z staff a substack
Welcome to the everygirlz: the Gen Z substack arm of The Everygirl, a women’s lifestyle media brand that’s been interneting since 2012. We could introduce ourselves further, but instead, we’re just going to jump right in to the things we’ve been spiraling about this week. Apparently, your Bitmoji can now purchase a Miu Miu or Prada handbag on Snapchat (yes, for real money). This isn’t the first time Snapchat has partnered with a brand to “sell” Bitmoji swag, but it’s definitely the most expensive, and definitely the most absurd.
Obviously, being “chronically online” isn’t really like…a personality trait anymore. But dressing up your Snapchat Bitmoji in Prada feels like a whole other level of Matrix-y sinister, mostly because that’s a pretty lavish digital purchase for not you. Whatever your virtual persona looks like—whether it’s your face on TikTok, your voice on a podcast, or your IG profile picture—usually when you buy something for your digital self, you benefit IRL, too. Like, if you purchase a plane ticket to the Amalfi coast to vlog your travels on your growing TikTok, you also get to go to the Amalfi coast. But if you buy your Bitmoji a handbag…you don’t get a handbag.
This is all pretty much to say that we’re living two lives: one online, and one IRL. As the IRL one gets scarier and more threatening (RIP $25k down-payment support for first-time home buyers, I will always love you), spending more time online sort of makes sense…but spending more money? That’s just creepy. Like, if we’re going off the idea that spending money is a way to manifest the life you want, I would much rather the local coffee shop down the street from me keep its doors open than my Bitmoji have a Miu Miu purse. Just saying.
In Other News:
Sabrina Carpenter is basically single-handedly saving the holiday season with her upcoming Christmas special. Personally, I’m most excited to see her sing with Chappell Roan and Tyla, but also for the dick jokes!
The politics of the Brianna Chickenfry drama are genuinely fascinating. Like, she’s so awesome for publicly standing up to her abuser…and also, how weird that she’s financially protected in this situation by a different alleged abuser? I wish she could pull a Taylor Swift here and demand complete financial ownership over her own story.
Everyone is panicking about something we’ve been doing for years (buying dupes at Target).
Things We Hate Right Now:
The mental load of becoming a financially literate woman.
Being online (TikTok) has been extra terrible lately. Like, for a good reason, but I still hate it.
Food that isn’t warm and cozy now that it’s cold. Get that chopped salad away from me!
The price of fruit is truly exorbitant. Should I purchase a fruit-bearing plant? What will I do if it dies?
The people ranking CorePower instructors on TikTok. Don’t have a parasocial relationship with your fitness instructor please, you see them in person! They are human people with feelings!
On Repeat
Quick Hits
Stop asking me about… gen z men.
Something living rent-free in our head… Wicked, except it’s clearly not rent-free. Like someone very obviously paid a lot of rent for Wicked to be living in my head right now.
Kind of obsessed with… #womeninmaledominatedfields.
Cheers,
the everygirlz
P.S. Want to ask your gen z younger sister a question? Submit one here
Obsessed
Waiting for more! Love this!